Behind the Red Door
One night I took my grandma to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. It was just the two of, as is typical of our hangouts together but there was one small change. This time, dinner was on me. Arriving at the restaurant, we were informed that we would have to wait an hour before being seated. This could’ve put a damper on the evening but instead, I went to the liquor store next door and bought us some beer. When I came back to the car with cans of ale, my grandma’s eyes beamed. She told me it had been years since she drank a beer that large. “Well,”, I began, “tonight you’re going to have two of them!” as I reached for the second in the plastic bag with red THANK YOU lettering imprinted on it.
The hour passed quickly as we drank our beers and talked about her twenties. I asked her many things including if she was like me when she was my age. “No.”, she said plainly. I didn’t have time to dissect her answer further as my phone soon after rang; informing us our table was ready. Our dinner progressed similarly to our wait outside. It was a happy affair. After placing our order my grandma, feeling nice at this point, turned to me and asked me a question that many of us have trouble answering.
Are you happy?
In order to effectively answer that, I think we may need to define happiness.
Happiness is Complicated
Other than money, happiness is probably the most sought after thing in our culture today. Yet, unlike money, happiness is difficult to quantify. Philosophers have debated this since the days of Aristotle and well before. If you read Troy’s Paint It Black article, you’ll see him wrestle with this question just like philosophers did thousands of years ago. When you have a hundred dollars, you know its worth. Happiness is much more difficult to define, as it is entirely dependent on the individual’s interpretation. For instance, a lot of people find happiness within things like roller coasters and sloths; yet those are two of my biggest fears (don’t ask about the sloths, it’s a long story). Instead what makes me happy is reading a good book or spending time in nature (as long as that nature doesn’t include sloths). Happiness is an interpretation based on the person which makes it very complicated to grasp.
Happiness is Variable
Happiness is a spectrum, defined by the person on a day-to-day basis. What makes you happy today might not make you happy tomorrow. Take for instance the beer my grandma and I drank while waiting for our table. If I had drank the night before, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed drinking with her. The same can be said of her. I have no doubt that her not having a beer, or in her case two, that large in years increased the happiness she experienced while we tailgated in the parking lot.
Happiness also changes us and thus creates a new version of ourselves. If we limit ourselves to the same experiences in life, our life can become humdrum and mundane. This is why experiencing new things is so important (unless you’re talking about roller coasters and sloths). So not only does happiness change day-to-day, it changes us.
Happiness is Ethereal
Similarly to its variability, happiness is also difficult to pinpoint. This is perhaps the most crucial aspect to understand about happiness, one that I so often forget. Happiness cannot be found in physical things. As previously touched on, something like a beer can make you happy today but incredibly sad tomorrow. Although having a couple parking lot beers with my grandma is a moment I’ll cherish forever, it wasn’t the beer that made me happy. It wasn’t even the conversation or even my grandma’s presence that caused feelings of happiness. It was a feeling within me.
It wasn’t the physical things attached to the experience but something undefinable with my worldly vocabulary. I can only describe it as a feeling of bliss that came from sharing a genuine connection with my grandma, the situation we created, and the feeling I had within myself. The first two are obvious of course; of course making the best of a situation by having a beer with your grandma can qualify as a happy moment. But again, happiness is complicated and variable. What if I hated beer or wasn’t close to my grandma? My interpretation of the evening would’ve been entirely different. Ultimately, it was that indescribable feeling within me that truly made me happy.
Right now my friend is struggling to define happiness for himself. Not to overly simplify the philosophical question my grandma asked me over dinner and drinks; but I believe happiness comes from within. Furthermore, I find defining it to be pointless. After all, happiness is complex, varies person-to-person, and cannot be described by our worldly vernacular. So maybe defining happiness, wondering if we’re as happy as we could be, or wondering if we have ever been happy is a zero sum game. Perhaps the answer to the question is to just be; and happiness will find us.
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” — Albert Camus
If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please do not hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 confidential service that can provide people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, or those around them, with support, information, and local resources. For more information, call or visit www.suicidepreventionhotline.org.
