Enjoy the Climb
One of the biggest mistakes in my life is viewing it linearly. X decision leads to Y outcome which eventually becomes Z. It’s why I went to college. With my linear thinking I believed that without a college degree, I couldn’t possibly have a good career and thus would not have a fulfilling life. Six years out of college, I realized I was wrong. I wasn’t completely wrong about college, it’s actually opened a lot of doors for me. But my thinking surrounding college was completely wrong. After having some success and facing some challenges in the early part of my career, I realized that my unique skills are what create opportunity for me. Not a degree, not a company, only I can define my path. Now, rather than chasing X to get to Z, I simply enjoy doing what I am best at and let whatever comes to me come.
I say all this because I see that same linear thinking within Troy’s analogy of Bipolar Mountain. I partly see what Troy is trying to get across; living with bipolar is a constant climb. I couldn’t agree more. Waking up everyday with a brain that battles you and strangles any positive thought you may have sounds arduous, to say the least. However, where I disagree with Troy is that his decisions, or other people’s decisions for that matter, cause him to fall further down the mountain. I don’t even agree that his good decisions push him further up the mountain. To me, the mountain, or life, is completely relative to his perspective. It depends how you look at things and subsequently react to them.
It’s fair to say that Troy feeds into this mountain analogy a lot in his daily life. Being his best friend, I see it nearly everyday. At times, it incapacitates his decision making because in his mind, this decision could be make or break. As he alluded to in his article, he has dedicated his life to conquering his disorder; prioritizing it over school, work, and developing meaningful relationships. All because he was trying to climb something that was unclimbable in the first place.
Eventually, Troy met an unclimbable obstacle. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t force himself over this hurdle and subsequently, he felt like he fell down the mountain. I was with Troy at this time and watched him crumble under the apparent fall he had just taken. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand his thought process at the time but even if I did, I’m certain I wouldn’t have been able to communicate it to him. He had to hit bottom first.
As he reflects on his fall off of Bipolar Mountain, I can see Troy’s gears turning. Although many of the lessons he’s learned are positive; such as pacing himself and realizing he will make mistakes are wonderful lessons, they are not the point. They only flirt with the lesson I wish he’d obtain from his experience. The lesson I wish I learned before spending too much money on my education. Unlike Troy’s Bipolar Mountain, life isn’t a series of related linear events.
The truth is, hard work isn’t going to prepare Troy for the next fall. To be completely honest, I’m not sure what I’m proposing will either. But I do believe it will help. After all, it helped me and I’m no different from Troy. Yes we have very different brains, but at the end of the day, we’re human and all humans can experience the deep truths life offers each of us.
Life isn’t a series of events, choices, or occurrences you can prepare yourself for. If we’re really honest, life is a fragile mess where anything can happen in an instant. People can lose their job just because, we’re all one mistake away from being homeless, and Yellowstone can literally erupt tomorrow. Sorry for being so doom and gloom but don’t fret, the inverse is just as true. You can get that big promotion this week, people miraculously heal from their ailments, and who knows, maybe the Lakers can turn it around after all (don’t get your hopes up).
All of these things are possibilities but they won’t happen because of X or the effort we put towards it. Sometimes, things just happen and there’s nothing we can do to prepare for them. In fact, the only thing certain about life is change. Unfortunately, change isn’t an ideal situation for someone with bipolar. Troy’s preparation or aversion towards change (or assumed change) only feeds his disorder. Without his action, or inaction, I don’t think his bipolar could survive.
“So is it all hopeless?”, I can hear him asking this now. “Of course not!”, I would respond. “Okay… so what do I have to do now until the next challenge?”, Troy cleverly asks; always looking for a solution. “I don’t know.”, I honestly reply, “But let’s enjoy life until it happens.”
Troy’s Article: https://medium.com/@Just.Troy/running-up-that-hill-176b0b4c8c3c
If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please do not hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 confidential service that can provide people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, or those around them, with support, information, and local resources. For more information, call or visit www.suicidepreventionhotline.org.
