The Truth
Before diving into my thoughts around paranoia and Troy’s experience with it, I want to caution that paranoia should be considered on a sliding scale. There are people who deal with it due to the stress and anxiety of their life. Others, like Troy, experience it as a byproduct of their mental illness. And of course there are people who are diagnosed schizophrenic. I’m not a professional but I think it’s key to keep this in mind as you read because there are severe cases of paranoia that no amount of advice can alleviate or cure. Fortunately for Troy, this is not the case.
Paranoia is heavily influenced by fear. So in order to understand the root cause of one’s paranoia, you first have to understand what they fear. Growing up with Troy, I know of two primary fears that contribute to his depression and subsequent paranoia.
“I’m Not Good Enough”
Reading Troy’s article, you can see he’s a very caring person. He cares deeply about his friendships but tends to compare how much he cares to how much I, or another one of his friends, care. Troy has gone above and beyond for me as a friend but I disagree with him that he cares more deeply about our friendship than I do. To me, it’s that type of comparison that keeps my friend in a cycle of doubting his friend’s commitment or worse, that they’re being two-faced towards him. So why does he choose to think this way? Well, I think it goes back to his fear of not being good enough.
The reality is, we can all learn from Troy. Sometimes we may feel we do more for others than they do for us. But if we take a moment to really think about that, we’ll realize there’s no way to conclude that’s the case. Said another way, there’s no way to measure that one act of kindness is more impactful than another; it’s subjective. More often than not, comparisons lead us down a lonely, futile path. Perhaps rather than questioning why someone else isn’t doing more for you, maybe we should ask why we’re doing all this for them. Is it to be a good friend, to genuinely do something for them? Or are we just feeding our own ego to protect us from our own feeling of inadequacy?
“They’ll Abandon Me”
Troy often jokes of our friendship is akin to Caesar and Brutas; a story that epitomizes feelings of betrayal and abandoning a friendship. Although much is debated around whether Brutas’ betrayal was an act of nobility or entirely dishonorable, what can’t be debated was the idealistic view Brutas had on the world and how it led to his friend’s demise. When I try to correlate Shakespeare’s tale with my friendship with Troy, I come back to that sense of idealism that’s within Troy.
Unlike Brutas, Troy’s idealism isn’t positive. In fact, and I don’t think he would disagree with this, he’s an indefinite pessimist. As a result of this pessimism, Troy often thinks negative things are happening behind his back. Gossip, mainly, perpetuates these feelings of uneasiness he has.
I hate gossip. My parents always stressed to me the dangers of talking behind others’ backs. They would always iterate the golden rule but even before then, I had always hated gossip because I saw how it made others feel. As my best friend, Troy knows this about me. We never talk poorly of other people; except when we’re clearly making jokes and even then it’s counteracted by humor. In my opinion, humor is gossip’s opposite. Comedy makes talking shit an art by taking something typically done in the shadows and putting it into the spotlight. Rather than talking about someone’s faults, good comedians can talk about anyone precisely because everyone is infallible; including themselves.
Like most (if not all) people, I have been the victim of gossip on several occasions. Once I was accused of sharing someone’s nudes with the entire student body. I wish I was that cool to get random nudes in high school! Jokes aside, I was hated for something I didn’t do; by the girl who wrongfully accused me, by her friends, her parents, even people who weren’t involved in the situation were wary of associating with me. Although I felt bad about the situation, it wasn’t my reputation that I was hurt about. It was hers. Not only was she humiliated but she also had to lie about it. To this day, I don’t know why I was the scapegoat but regardless I learned a valuable lesson. One that I am happy to see Troy learning for himself.
Troy is beginning to realize that the only opinion on himself that matters is his own. Gossip is an unfortunate inevitability but if you love yourself, you’re untouchable. I’m glad my friend has been pointed to this truth through his paranoia because, bipolar or not, a lot of people seem to miss it.
The Truth
Taking it one step further, I believe once we obtain that internal love for ourselves, it becomes our greatest weapon in combating paranoia. At times we may feel like someone is saying or doing something shady under our nose. But through practicing self love, not only does gossip not matter anymore, we can begin to wish the best for those people who try to tear us down. Troy’s not a big fan of it, but the Bible goes as far as saying we should do something wonderful to people who hate us. Just speaking practically, behaving this way makes a ton of sense. If you’re treating people who you’re paranoid about with love and respect, then their choice to abandon you or gossip is entirely on them. Now they have to live with that feeling, not you.
There are many remedies out there for paranoia. Meditation, spending time with friends, finding something to laugh about; all are good things to combat this heinous mind state. As a friend of someone struggling with paranoia, I’ll definitely be doing my best to encourage Troy to do all of these things. However, I have a feeling there’s something that works even better to treat paranoia. A practice that goes beyond remedies and radically shifts how that person perceives life. A way of being that isn’t torn down by comparison, abandonment, gossip, or any reason to be paranoid. As corny as it may sound, maybe love is the answer. When someone is paranoid, they feel threatened in some way, even though there’s no proof that it’s true. Well, if that’s the case, what’s more true than love?
Troy’s Article | The Bipolar Diaries
If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please do not hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 confidential service that can provide people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, or those around them, with support, information, and local resources. For more information, call or visit www.suicidepreventionhotline.org.
